An Open Letter

Dear Dad:

Today marks 15 years since you passed on. During those 15 long years, I have the best of times and the worst of times. I have felt you very close at times. Other times, not so much. I wish that you could have been around in person for some of the major events in my life. But, I know that you were watching from afar. Or not so far, in some cases.

I have spent the last many years wrestling with the emotions that come from losing a father. Anger, sadnesss, frustration, lack of understanding. You name it. For so many years I was so angry that you were taken away from me at such a critical junction in my life. But then I look around and find part of you around every single day of my life. I have finally been able to rationalize in my head that it was time for you to go. You had gone through so much in your life, and you had done all that you were supposed to do.

I miss you so much that I cry myself to sleep sometimes. Oh wait - you already know that. I like to think that I have done a few things right in my life. A few could stand a little improvement. And well, there are some that we just don't talk about. I'm sure that I have let you down on more than one occasion, and then maybe made things a little bit better.

I have so many memories of you Dad. And I cannot seem to get them out of my head right now. So many of them I could never share with any of them because they are so personal. And, some that nobody would believe because they never got the chance to see that side of you. I wish I could have shared all of that with the world.

As I look back, I am so grateful for the time that I had with you. I am so grateful for the amount of time. I know that Lezli struggles with it at times, and I feel spoiled some times. But, I know that she has some good memories also.

I just wanted the entire world to know how much you mean to me, even though you have been gone so long. I hope that you can brag to those in heaven "yep, that's my Slugger."

Love you Dad.

Love,

Slugger