An Open Letter

Dear Dad:

Today marks 15 years since you passed on. During those 15 long years, I have the best of times and the worst of times. I have felt you very close at times. Other times, not so much. I wish that you could have been around in person for some of the major events in my life. But, I know that you were watching from afar. Or not so far, in some cases.

I have spent the last many years wrestling with the emotions that come from losing a father. Anger, sadnesss, frustration, lack of understanding. You name it. For so many years I was so angry that you were taken away from me at such a critical junction in my life. But then I look around and find part of you around every single day of my life. I have finally been able to rationalize in my head that it was time for you to go. You had gone through so much in your life, and you had done all that you were supposed to do.

I miss you so much that I cry myself to sleep sometimes. Oh wait - you already know that. I like to think that I have done a few things right in my life. A few could stand a little improvement. And well, there are some that we just don't talk about. I'm sure that I have let you down on more than one occasion, and then maybe made things a little bit better.

I have so many memories of you Dad. And I cannot seem to get them out of my head right now. So many of them I could never share with any of them because they are so personal. And, some that nobody would believe because they never got the chance to see that side of you. I wish I could have shared all of that with the world.

As I look back, I am so grateful for the time that I had with you. I am so grateful for the amount of time. I know that Lezli struggles with it at times, and I feel spoiled some times. But, I know that she has some good memories also.

I just wanted the entire world to know how much you mean to me, even though you have been gone so long. I hope that you can brag to those in heaven "yep, that's my Slugger."

Love you Dad.

Love,

Slugger

Favorite Photos

I decided that I should put a few photos on my blog. As you can see, or won't see as the case may be, you won't find pictures of any of my students or my own children on my blog. Call me paranoid, but you just can't be too careful these days. At last count I have over a thousand pictures on my computer. Some day I might actually get them into a logical order and post more.

Put that in your pipe and smoke it....

I have a good friend named Chris that loves airplanes as much as I do. One of the things that we do on a regular basis is go out and take pictures of airplanes. Looks like I caught him on my side of the fence :)

Now this is a great picture.....

Well.....I think that this sign says it all. Shadow people are not allowed at Hoover Dam. Period.

Time To Come To Grips

Well, the time has finally come. After a horrendous day in many, many ways, I have finally decided that I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. With a little prodding, I have decided to make an appointment with the doctor. A new doctor. One that might actually treat me like a person, not just another chart worth money. I am calling first thing in the morning (well, the afternoon to those of you not familiar with my schedule :) ) and scheduling an appointment. I have been informed that I have until Monday to complete this task.

Some day I figure that I might get better. Perhaps with the right combination of diet, exercise and medication I might start to feel better. It is time. I have felt this way for way too long.

The "Untitled Post"

Just by looking at the time, you can tell it is the middle of the night. Or, in my case, the middle of the afternoon. Shocking - it's Tuesday and I can't sleep. I have my regularly prescribed meds on board and they are not doing a damn thing. So, I decided to update my blog. I have no idea why. I discovered that it has been a ridiculously long time since I have put anything here. Perhaps this is not the best time to add anything to my blog, since my filters that are shut off. Oh well. To hell with everything: here we go.


1. I am so tired of being tired all of the time. It is not fun. I feel like all I ever do is sleep through everything. And, to some extent, it is true. People just don't understand what it is like to live a backward schedule. If you don't understand it, I dare you to do it for a week, and not miss family dinners, events, etc. And you can't be cranky when you get awakened. Oh....what's that I hear? You can't do it? Didn't think so.

3. If I have offended you, get over it. I can't even say that I'm sorry right now. If I haven't offended you yet, give me another two weeks. I'm sure that I can accomodate that without any problem. Just send a meeting request to my iPhone and I'll add it to my calendar.

4. I am not a huge fan of the iPhone. For those of you that really know me, you wouuld know that I have now had an iPhone for about a month or so. I still have my BlackBerry. If I had to choose, I'd keep my Berry. It works so much better for me. To Apple's credit, OS 3.0 has some really nice features. If, of course, you like having new things crammed down your throat until you gag and then having all of your settings jacked up. Go figure. At least my Berry doesn't do that when the OS updates. IT STAYS THE SAME!!!!!!!! HEY APPLE.....TAKE A LESSON FROM R.I.M!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

5. Do you not understand what leave the couch cushions on the couch means? Great! Come over and play with my kids. You will fit in just fine. They just don't get it.



I'm done ranting for now. I'm sure that I will find something else to complain about later. But, I just don't feel like complaining any more. I think that I have said more than enough.

I wish I knew where the time went. 24 hours in a day sound like a lot, until you quickly realize it is time to go to bed and try to sleep. Ferris Bueller said it best.... "Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around, you could miss something." I have found that I have been missing quite a bit since I started teaching. It seems that teaching somehow manages to take up all of my free time, all of my spare time, and even some time that I do not have. Fortunately school is over in three months. Then life will be good for a few weeks while I rest up and get ready to go at it again, should I be invited to return to Monticello and teach.

I have discovered that I love teaching! There is no greater feeling than watching a student come in totally confused and then being able to understand the concept. Light bulbs over a student are a magical occurence. I recommend that you try it at least once.

On another note - I spent a wonderful afternoon with my sister yesterday. As we were driving home, we had a great conversation that helped me deal with some of the ghosts that have been haunting me for so many years. I know that I told her how grateful I was for that, but I wanted to put it in print also.

Have you ever.....

Well, there are a ton of things that could be put after that phrase. I wish that there was an easy answer most of the time. Tonight, there is. After a long evening watching snowplows clear off the runways at the airport, I am home in bed. I had to drive with the window down on the way home because I was falling asleep. As soon as I hit the bed, I am wide awake. Go figure...the story of my life. I am so tired of being tired all of the time. It seems that when a person works a graveyard shift, they never get enough sleep. I can vouch for that. On a good day, I get about four hours uninterrupted sleep. Okay, maybe a little more, but that seems to be the average. After being awakened for various reasons (read: the boys), I go back to sleep - sometimes. I wish there was a simple solution, other than sleeping pills that just make you even more tired when you don't get the sleep you need. Alas, if I figure it out, I will be rich. Hmmmm......